Hello August...

Day 1 of 30 days of writing challenge.

Have you heard? Today is day 1 of David McIlroy’s 30 days of writing challenge! ✍🏻

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A month ago, I moved into a studio in a neighborhood where I lived 26 years ago, and it’s weird bumping into my 24 year old self. Part of me feels like…why haven’t I “arrived”?

Society tells me I should have it all together by age fifty. I should have assets, a mortgage, a nice 401k, a career with a linear trajectory. I should be accomplished and show accumulation. My parents have expressed this sentiment to me at various times in my life. Pro-tip: if you want to push your adult children away, go ahead and say that…see what happens.

More on society’s expectations, and how that’s going for me at a later date.

I’ve lived in this green city of Portland, Oregon on and off since 1998. I thought I divorced Portland 7 years ago, but life has its own twists and turns. I’m going to go on record to say 50 is the new 30. Midlife is a wild f*cking ride.

So uh, my question is….does anyone know where I can find the handbook to reinventing one’s life after a longer-than-usual-midlife crisis? Amazon? Public library? Do you have the IBSN no? Asking for a friend.

For a month now, I’ve quite literally sat in this adorable studio, unfurnished except for a twin mattress and stared at the shiny hardwood flors and out the window.

I’m just not sure how to inhabit my new space…or my new life. What if I f*ck it up again? How do I people after the pandemic? Where is my community? What does community even mean these days?

My place does have adorable vibes, though.

Even though my body and spirit is weary, for the first time ever, it feels like I’m truly planning for the life I want. And I want it all. And no one except me is standing in the way.

I have work to do. Like practicing being visible, showing up for myself, trusting others again, being vulnerable. August is about practice, being consistent, and showing up.

Because…before you know it, pumpkin spice season will be here.

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