For the month of August, I’ve accepted David McIlroy’s 30 days of writing challenge ✍🏻
The Inner Traveler is a digital cafe where chairs are pulled up, warm beverages are poured, gorgeous pastries are on the bar, and baskets of warm blankets tucked into corners. It’s a humble invitation into my inner world.
This publication is reader-supported and croissant-fueled. If you’d like to show your appreciation, buy me a croissant. It pairs wonderfully with coffee...and life in general.
My gramma (not grandma, the “d” is silent) was probably the only person in my early life that exhibited true joy. I miss her a lot. She died 19 years ago. At the time, the medication I happened to be on made me feel like blank piece of paper, so I didn’t really register the loss.
I look back at my childhood and the adults in my life during that time, and I think her love was the only tangible experience I had of being loved, simply for being me. I didn’t need to be fixed. I wasn’t a problem. To her I was a blessing, her first grandchild.
Growing up, I had a parent who liked to, how shall I put it…poison the well, trying to get me to pick them over another family member. It wasn’t until my forties that I finally realized, you know…maybe that wasn’t appropriate behavior.
Her name for me was Sugarplum, a term of endearment that overflowed with unconditional love. Everything I did brought her joy it seemed, even peeing. I remember sitting on the toilet “tinkling”, and upon finishing I looked up at her and exclaimed “all done!” She would shake her forearms in a rah-rah movement, index fingers pointing to the sky, the cocktail rings on her fingers clinking against each other, and say “yaaaay!”. I felt like a little champion.
Those massive, clinking cocktail rings of silver and turquoise are burned into my memory bank. Years ago, in Northern India, I stopped into a jewelry shop, and by some miracle, was able to quietly perusing a beautiful selection of rings. I say miracle because if you know anything about that part of the world, “quietly pursuing” in a ship is nearly impossible. Intense bargaining starts before even stepping foot in the shop.
But in this instance, the kind shopkeeper hovered discreetly in the background, letting me try on various pieces. I walked out with a turquoise ring that felt like a hug on my index finger. It was a ring my gramma would have easily worn.
But wait, you ask…I thought we were going to Singapore.
Patience, darling…
My gramma was always going places, it seemed. I have early memories of her going across the border to Tijuana, Mex for shopping jaunts, and when I was about around twelve, I accompanied her one of those jaunts. As wide-eyed tween, I watched in silent amazement how unfazed my gramma seemed at moving about the bustling streets, hailing cabs, going to the pharmacy, even speaking some decent Spanish.
I also remember her talking about Singapore. Singapore this, Singapore that. My memory is fuzzy on the specifics, but I’m sure it was because at the time (late 70s - early 80s), my aunt and uncle were circumnavigating the world on their sailboat.
They were either in Turkey, or Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Micronesia, French Polynesia, Panama Canal, the Canary Islands. Back then there was no instagram, no youtube, no blogs or vlogs. Just letters and if one was lucky, plane visits. So my gramma would visit them, and…most likely stopover in Singapore.
At least, this is my guess.
In January of 2020, my way to Vietnam, I stopped over in Singapore. And from the moment I landed, I immediately felt my gramma’s spirit around me. Nothing crazy, just…a closeness, an protective energy. Traveling can be very lonely, however in Singapore, I didn’t once feel lonely. I felt unfazed, at ease, brave.
As I sat on the curb opposite the Maxwell Food Centre hawker stall, chatting on the phone with my sister, sipping an iced coffee Milo (iykyk), sweat dripping down my back, she blurted “gosh, I feel like gramma was always talking about Singapore when we were kids”.
Indeed she was.
What a fabulous story!! I was right there with you, celebrating the tinkle 😆 and loving the rings and fanciful eccentricity of your gramma!! 💗